It's been nearly three months since the death of the beloved Nurse Chris, but police are still investigating the case without a strong case against any one particular suspect. The list of named "persons of interest" has expanded to five, as follows:
DR. JELLO: a former possibly envious coworker whose missing butterfly pendant was discovered clutched in the "cold, dead fingers" of the late nurse.
JUSTINESPIRED: the letter's JS were found on a bottle of nitroglycerin, and although they turned out to be the "us" in "dangerous," police are keeping JustineSpired on the list because "it would really be ironic if she was the killer."
DEAR FLABBY: archrival accused by Dr. Nello. This claim was retracted, then unretracted. Dear Flabby is really really fat.
ANONYMOUS COMMENTERS: several unpublished irate emails to the Dr. Nello blog were handed over to the police department that could be from the murderer. It is unclear if all the letters are from the same source.
DR. FELLO: more of a person of disinterest, actually. Dr. Fello's angry hate note to Nurse Chris was found near Nurse Chris's body.
Meanwhile police are not sure of the murder weapon. Originally thought to be the screwdriver implanted deep in Nurse Chris's skull, new evidence suggests many possibilities.
WETPNEUMORE: urination treatment medication that could be toxic if Nurse Chris was allergic.
NITROGLYCERIN: discovered in Dr. Nello's basement (possibly meant to blow up the doctor's house), it was also discovered in Nurse Chris's bloodstream. This substance could be fatal if overdosed.
SCREWDRIVER: found in Nurse Chris's head.
Friday, November 2, 2007
The Who's Who of Who Killed Nurse Chris
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Wetpneuomore Was Weapon?
Initial reports pointed to the screwdriver forcefully inserted into Nurse Chris's skull, but new analysis suggests that perhaps the blood-stained flat-headed tool was not the instrument used to cause death.
A second autopsy was conducted this past weekend, which revealed substantial amounts of wetpneuomore, a medication used to treat nocturnal urination. Normally, such a medication would not be considered lethal, however, there have been reported cases of allergic patients who suffered from diarrhea, constipation, drowsiness, insomnia, dry mouth, wet pants, and (rarely) death.
Nurse Chris had a bottle of DriMorning (a name-brand wetpnuemore) in his bathroom cabinet. DriMorning does not require a prescription. It is unknown yet whether Nurse Chris was allergic to such a substance.
Police have not ruled out the screwdriver entirely, but these new findings raise "suspicion that [the screwdriver] was indeed the weapon."
Friday, September 14, 2007
Butterfly Pendant Discovery, Dr Jello Suspect
A butterfly pendant was found clutched in the hands of Nurse Chris.
The coroner performing the autopsy that led to the discovery said, "It was kind of fun, actually, finding the pendant. I always like prying something from somebody's 'cold, dead fingers.' I wish Nurse Chris had said to me before he died, 'You can't have this butterfly pendant until you pry it from my cold dead fingers,' because then I would say, 'Ha, I just did!'"
Dr. Jello, an employee of Dr. Nello and former associate of Nurse Chris, is fond of wearing butterfly jewelery, and the
pendant is believed to be hers. She has long been rumored to dislike the Nurse, often expressing disgust at his gender confusion. Police have named her as another suspect in their murder investigation.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Letter, Clues Discovered in Nurse Chris's Bedroom
Nurse Chris's body was found dead in her bedroom in early August with a screwdriver piercing her right temple. Several clues have been discovered that may implicate suspects as police continue to solve her mysterious and grizzly murder.
The most prominent clue so far was a letter addressed to "You Filthy Man-Woman Slob." It was apparently from a former employee of Dr. Nello's who felt "brushed aside [by the doctor] in favor of a tramp ... with the intelligence of a decapitated sewer rat and the odor of an unwashed Siamese monkey fish." It was signed "Your Fellow, Doctor Fello."
Pittsburgh police believe that this letter may be from the unpopular Doctor Francis J. Fello, a former employee fired by Dr. Nello this summer for not writing posts on schedule. Nurse Chris was notorious (and fired) for also not posting on time, but was rehired. Meanwhile, the forgettable Dr. Fello has not been rehired.
Police have named Dr. Fello a murder suspect, but stress that he is a "person of disinterest."
Police have also promised a report due tomorrow on other clues and suspects, with "an exciting twist you never saw coming!"
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Bomb Found in Nello's Old Apartment, Link to Nurse Chris
With the tragic murder of the beloved Nurse Chris still under investigation, a discovery made today suggests that his/her death may have been part of a plot to kill Dr. Nello as well.
Dr. Nello recently upgraded to a penthouse in nearby luxury apartments, moving out of his old Pittsburgh residence in mid-August. The three current female tenants were clearing out the basement (which contained items left from the tenants before Dr. Nello) when they discovered a 12 oz. bottle of nitroglycerin. A firetruck, several police cars, a paramedic van and a bomb squad were called in to remove the explosive while the apartment and its surrounding homes were evacuated.
Dr. Nello did accused some individuals of using the nitroglycerin to construct meth labs in his basement, including his archrival Dear Flabby. He later retracted these claims when it was pointed out that nitroglycerin is, in fact, not used in meth labs. His credibility as a doctor was briefly questioned, but these doubts were dispelled when he proved he must be a real doctor as his name is, after all, "Doctor" Nello.